Great Guide to Talking to Your Partner
Dr. John Gottman had the idea to study how happy and unhappy couples talk to each other, and compare. About 40 years later, we know a LOT. For example, there are four primary ways that partners communicate destructively: by criticizing (“here’s what’s wrong with you”), getting defensive (“no I’m not/no I didn’t/no, but here’s what’s wrong with YOU), stonewalling (aka stonefacing) and being scornful (“you disgust me”).
Best antidote? Build a “culture of appreciation.” Talk about what you love about your partner (“I love how you crack people up”), catch them doing something right (“man, you said that better than I would have”).
Here’s a DVD I highly recommend to all the couples we work with.